My neighbir Mary Jane

Yall meet my neighbor Mary Jane

She is HILARIOUS!!! She has almost the same ailments I do . We BOTH have type I AND type II diabetes. She has early menopause and although I cant get menopause cuz Im a male, I still suffer from most of the symptoms of early menopause like hot flashes, sudden murderous rages, hair growth on where there wasn't hair beofre, weird feelings towards the opposit AND same sex, eating stuff with spoons made of fried pickles and fudge, chronic noxious flatulants, bleeding from gums and pores, diarhea coming out the front, and other symptoms of menopause. We BOTH love to pop our hemorhoids like bubble wrap and let the pus bleed all over our cats. I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!! She has 7 cats REAL ANIMAL LOVER! She's on disability TOO!!! AND SHE"S SINGLE, guy readers!. She came over with the most delicious pie. Wait! Mary Jane I'm suppose to welcome YOU not the other way around. BAHAHAHAH!! The pie had yellow and brown puddin covered with reddi whip and crumbs from the snickers she was eatin when she made it. She made these real fancy cocktails with sour cherry wine coolers, hawaian punch, and country crock. SOOO GOOD. We played uno. and I got to ride on her Hoveround. it was actually a Rascal model, but that's okay. We had fun! I made a new friend!

MORE FAMILY PHOTOS

I thought I lost all my pictures in the fire IN MY PANTS! THANKS CASA OLE dinner special  BAHAHAHA. Anyhoo here's a couple of yours truly I thought I'd share . It;'s me PRE GLASSES

 

I practically LIVED in that sailor suit. Aren't I PRECIOUS????? Defininately a chrerub gift from the angels

Me a little bit older. MOVE OVER BRAD PITT!! BAHAHAHAHA but really I could of had a nice modelin career like gerber baby or somethin. ENJOY!!!

Old Family Photos!!!

Hey all, I hope the new years and Jesus Bday were as fantastic for you as they were for me. Pastor Edna led a BEAUTIFUL sermon on what type of fatigues you should wear if your a prayer warrior. On New Years we had our annual Jesus cookie eatin contest . Guess who ate the most bodies of Christs AGAIN. ME. I almost lost to Ronnie JR but WE CAUGHT HIM THROWIN UP IN THE BATHROOM AGAIN. FOUL! DISQUALIFIED!! That all you learned from Visual Changes University? Who needs a college diploma? I can throw up too, and I barely got my GED! Anyhoo, I came accross some blasts from the pasts and thought I's show yall some pics of friends and family.

this is Slidell one of my FAV friends from YEARS ago. Aint she a DARLIN?

 here she is when we graduated from GED night school. SOOOO FUNNNY. " Hey Slidell put yer tongue back in. I aint one of your bofriends!!" Bahahahaha

Here she is in another BEAUTIFUYL picture. She had that teddy bear FOR EVER!! Probably still does too.  She lives in Tomball now so I dont see too much of her. I hear she became a policeman. well if you can't beat em join em, huh, Slidell?? Anyway, her family did throw her out on account of hookin up with a black man. She always fell for a nice car no matter the COLOR. and he did have a brand new Saturn.

I don't know who this is, some chubby wubby. It might be my aunt Peggy who we call pegleg cuz a horse fell on her once.

And this is her daughter who had diabetes last time I checked. That's not her tongue BTW. its some sort of syst she might of got from them livin too close to a Dow plant. Happy New Year! Probably going to be our last #rapturetime

Christmas Billboards

As you can guess I am a advocate for War on CHRISTmas.  When folks tell me Happy Holidays, I'm offended and tell them back, "God Curse You". This is the time of year to celebrate JESUS BIrthday not Chanukah! Not Kwaanza! Those are CULT ceremonies that need to be outlawed! Jesus was born in a manger made of a CHRISTMAS tree. And every year Mary and Joseph would decorate a tree for Jesus with ornaments symbolizing all the abortions people have so they could remember the children killed by liberals.  Anyway, here are some Bollboards to look at remindin us the reason for the season!

HOw To Stay Young

Stay Young My Friend 

We  all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part  of who we are!

 

;

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

With little add-ons by me, DON DON Enjoy!

1.  Try everything twice. Especially Buffets!
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
"Tried everything twice. Loved it both times! Now look at me."

Another woman wrote this on her tombstone:

"Lordy Lordy Look who's dead!"

2.  Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches (and the moslims) pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches (or moslim)!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, inventing new meals and snacks using found stuff in your cabinets, whatever...
Never let the brain get idle.  'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! or Buddah, or Allah, or whatever. Any way you look at it its a sin.

4. Enjoy the simple things, and try to enjoy the simple people like retarded folks.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath. My aunt died this way, but it's all good.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. And remind them that some things are NOT funny like Jesus dyin for our sins, and 9/11, whatever have you.



6.. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on. Eat! Eat it all away. It may take several trips to the hyper buffet at Ryan's steak house, but I promise you, eventually you can eat the devil out!
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves, and our gold coupon book with hundreds of dollars in savings at popular food restaurants.
LIVE while you are alive. Pee while you are urinating, and eat while you are consuming, and beat while you are abusing.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: For me it's fast food restaurants. I just hop on my hoveround, and I'm at any of 14 different spots each whith an impressive 99 cent menu.
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge. I go weeks without leaving my home, or bathing.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. But if you are happy being  what some call "horrifyingly morbidly obese" then just let yourself be " horrifyingly morbidly Happy too!"

9. Don't take guilt trips..
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, (Sometimes I go sightseeing on my hoveround and say 'hi neighbor! something smells good over there' and they usully give you somethin.)

to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. Again, another opportunity to eat the devil gone. I haven't felt guilty in years ever since a Sam's wholesale opened up down the street.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend. Now, be a dear and pick me up a couple of boxes of those soft powder donuts they got at the gas station next door!.'



11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.. Or don't. I ask god to take my revenge on the and say "god curse you" beacause if they are mean to me, a CHRISTIAN, then they hate Jesus and need to burn in hell.

And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.

Remember! Lost time can never be found. But TiVo what you can

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Especially me! So DON"T MAKE FUN! THAT MEANS YOU! JESSE! and SYLVIA! Yall got demonic spirits! and I'll be laughin when y'all are burnin in hellfire. I"LL BE LAUGHIN!!!!!!!!1!!!

Dyin? THink AGAIN!!

 YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER THE NAME---JESUS CHRIST...EVEN WHEN SAYING THAT PRECIOUS NAME "IN VAIN"...CHANGE IT TO:  "OH BUDDA"! ."..BUT YOU WILL KNOW THE NAME OF STEVE JOBS...THE FOUNDER OF APPLE WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.  THOSE WORDS AT HIS PASSING WERE..".MY GOD, HAVE I MADE A BIG MISTAKE...THERE IS A HELL AND I NEVER ACCEPTED JESUS AS MY SAVIOR!..WOW!"  DOnt's Believe me?  KEEP READIN THEN!!

What The Lord Is Saying Today Subscribe October 31, 2011. What will your last words be as you exit life on earth? I read today that Steve Jobs, former CEO of Apple, spoke these last words as he made his exit from life: "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow." Nothing about his life ever indicated his conversion to Christianity. We can only guess what Jobs might have seen or be experiencing at the moment of his passing. My prayer has always been that when that time comes for me that I will be strong, and filled with courage and hope. It has never been anything that I dread. Rather, when God calls me home, I expect to see Jesus and the light of His glory welcoming me. I hope you are ready when God calls you home. Psalm 31:24 (NASB) "Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD."   Ras Robinson.    SPECIAL: We encourage you to order both of these books by Ras Robinson and read them before Nov. 11. "How to Receive God's Anointing" "Taking Away the Devil's Opportunity" $7.95 each or $12.95 for both. Order Books YOU"RE NEXT, BILL GATES. JESUS IS ON THE HUNT, AND HE HAS AN APETITE FOR YOUR SOUL!!!

Celebrating Halloween? Think again sinner!

Y'all know my beliefs are all Jesus is the reason for the season whether its Christmas or July 4th or Tax Day I'm all about "This was a Christian holiday first" . So here we are again with Halloween which was originally called Hallalujaween back in Jesus times when Jesus would do some ofhis best tricks .ike walkin on water or his treats like makin a whole picnic of filet-o-fish sandwiches from a can of tuna and a slice of wonderbread. But ofcourse the Godless folks changed it to the devil worshippin it is today. Candy is nice though. At least they did SOMETHIN right. Anyway, enjoy this weeks message of truth and stay blessed.

Quick message to start your week off right

I live by this. Stay Blessed!!!

Church retreat!!

Just came back from a church retreat with Pastor Edna and the rest of the congrgation.  I EVEN TOOK MISS DEVINE!!!(see pic below).  YOu can see in the picture below how sweet she was. She stayed mostly in the tent cuz I don't want her around wild animals. AND LOOK AT MOUNTAIN MAN DON DON!!! My mustache razor broke so i looked all "rugged" Pastor Edna said I looked like the BRAWNY MAN, CAN YOu Believe it??? Any way we sat and prayed and stuff all week. We made sacrifices to the fire and danced around to contemporary christian music. I brought my famous capn crunch crusted meatballs for all to enjoy, AND THEY DID!!! BAhahahhaa.

My neighbor Duane

I've posted about him before, but Duane my neighbor came over lookin all Satan like again.  Clearly the product of failed parentin and demon possession.  Nice boy. Takes care of his mamma but needs a trip to Fantastic Sams for a trim and TJ Max for some nice clothes. IT"S ON ME DUANE!! He keeps me company when I go on a fast food runs and he likes to watch ABC Family too!! But I guess he's just goin thru a faze. I GOT A COOL FAZE FOR YOU TO GO THRU DUANE. It's called GIVIN YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD! He's got the coolest party in town and if you aren't there youre square... and experiencin undescribable pain as your flesh burns for eternity while you are repeatedly subjected to horrors beyond the human imagination. Stay blessed!

nice message to start ur thirsday

Hi friends. Just got another disability check on account of my fall at HEB pantry store. Well here is a nice picture from one of my favorite bloggerers who really sticks it to atheists who are DEMONS in disguis using there secret weapon of REASON to attack faith. well I'll be laughin at them when theyre burnin in hell askin me to spit on them to alieve the pain. I DON"T THINK sSO. I spit for GOD! Beblessed!

Lovely song about religiun

Yall know I like GOOD music, and here's a song that had me bouncin rolls of flesh to the beat of there drummin!  this song sure is stuk in my hed all the time like durin my weekly hosin of my body when i set up the kiddy pool by the fridge and fill it with water and edible soap (so i don't get all bored in there) and hose my smelly parts usually when the court Tv block in on. I always find at least a few quarters hidin in a crevis but the other day WHILE I happened to be PRAISIN the LORD I found 3 dollars AND a half eaten KFC original recipe thigh stuck betweeen three love handles and either my belly button or my butt hole - I couldn't see without my glasses. See HOW THE LORD REWARDS?? I be praisin him all the time now right before breakfast or in line at Wendy's BAHAHAHAHAA!!!

OBAMA will kill us all HE SAID SO HISELF!!!

I got this email and THANK YOU JESUS I did cuz OBama is gonna KILL US ALL with his BLACK MOSLIM ways.  READ ON and BE BLESSED!!!!

Coil of Rage .... When you've read to the end, come back and read this first paragraph again.  A Coil of Rage  The character of any man is defined by how he treats his mother as the years pass .... need I say more about this person below other than there is no character, no integrity but there is a ton of attitude and arrogance that defines his shallow past and hollow future ..... I rest my case..   I bought and read Obama's book, Audacity of Hope. It was difficult to read considering his attitude toward us and everything American. Let me add a phrase he use to describe his attitude toward whites. He harbors a "COIL OF RAGE". His words not mine.  THIS IS OUR PRESIDENT -- HE'S RUNNING AGAIN, YOU KNOW! Is anyone out there awake?  Everyone of voting age should read these two books by him: Don't buy them, just get them from the library.  From Dreams From My Father:  "I ceased to advertise my mother's race at the age of 12 or 13, because she wasn't moslim enuf for me or my BLACK daddy" From Dreams From My Father :  "I found a solace in thinkin about naked WHITE women" From Dreams From My Father :  "I always wundered wut a white man's HEART tasted like while his white wife and white children watched him die." From Dreams From My Father:  "There was something about her that made me UPPITY even tho she wanted me to bust up her chifarobe, Mayella Ewell had it comin with her WHITE ways." From Dreams From My Father :  "I liked 9/11" From Dreams From My Father :  "When I becum prezidnet I'll make all coins say IN MUHAMED WE TRUST" From Dreams From My Father:  "It remained necessary to prove which side you were on, and why when I become prezident I"m gonna start a RACE WAR between whites and MOSLIMS. There's gonna be white blood in the streets and Whites will be slaves to Blacks and I'm gonna make it law if I get reelected" From Dreams From My Father:  "I never emulate white men and brown men whose fates didn't speak to my own. It was into my father's image, the black man, son of Africa , that I'd packed all the attributes I sought in myself: the attributes of Martin and Malcolm, DuBois and Mandela and IT's REVENGE TIME against WHITEY."  And FINALLY .............. and most scary:  From Audacity of Hope:  "I will stand with the Moslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction. IF YOU ARE WHITE BE AFRAID"  If you have never forwarded an e-mail, now is the time to do so!!! We have someone with this mentality running our GREAT nation! Keep your eye on him and don't blink.  I don't care whether you are a stupid Democrat, a Republican, a Conservative or a crazy liberal, be aware of the attitude and character of this sitting President. He will kill you.  He will kill you and rape your children!!! He warned us in his books, in his color, and in his name, AND WE DIDN'T LISTEN!!! Spread the word, his own words!  Only fools and the uninformed will vote for him in 2012. my website www.HorstHeld.com

Jesus Casserole

I know I know I havent' put up recipes in a long time.  Well here you go!!! Soooo Good . Jesus Casserole.Sooooo Goood. Eat the body of Christ any time.  I made two cuz I loooooove seconds!!

Take 10 ramen and boil in Pepsi in Microwave
Eat 1 bag of pork Rinds (oops! I was savin that for the toppin Bahhhahahahah!!!)
cover with ragu or for somethin sweeter cover with catsup and arby's sauce
add mushrooms for health.
Say GUESS WHAT"S FOR DINNER JESUS! YOU!!! Bahashhahah!!!!

Jews FOR?! Jesus?! NOw I've seen everything.

Here's a delightfully funny video.... I think.   I'm not sure though cuz they keep sayin things that sound like they're readin labels off the kosher foods asile. But there you have it folks Jews that actually are on GOd's team (NEW Testament) AND still doin weird Jewish stuff (OLD testament).

Cat Licker!!!

MISS DEVINE!!! Busted!! Caught you red handed ON YOUR TONGUE!!! Bahahahaa. No, but really Miss Devine is always lickin anything and everything off all parts of my body.  I was enjoyin my favorite evenin time drink- vienna sausage can juice cocktail (see earlier blog for recipe!!!) while I was nappin and she was lickin some cocktail off my face - YOu Drunk!! Just jokin! AINT SHE just an ANGEL????///????? YES! She is! That's why I named her Miss Devine Bahahahhaha!!!

Dancing with the Stars No Longer Family-Friendly

I can't believe DWTS (that's dancin with the stars) is no longer family friendly cuz they're gettin CHAZ BONO, Cher's Dawter/son. Now see what happens when Satan takes over? You become a man/woman like they got at the circus-THE LEAST IMPRESSIVE thing they got at the circus. And I LOVE the circus. Why can't they make Atkins Cotton Candy at the circus???/? This upsets me so much I can barely eat my marshmellows and grainy mustard pancakes- MY FAV for Wet Wednesdays.   I was actually gonna post a recipe for it-NEXT TIME!!!!

On Knees for Jesus: Dancing with the Stars No Longer Family-Friendly

Inspiring Video of Christians

Bein on disability gives me a lotta free time to find nice videos like this one while surfin the web. NOT REAL SURFIN!!! I'd Fall OFF !!! Bahahahaha. This is a nice video of christians doin their thang- being godly and better 'n ever one else. ENJOY!!! I know I did. Only thing is the name is called "Stupid Christians" there AIN"T NUTHIN stupid with bein christian unless its a christian science A CULT!!1!

VERY educational video WATCH IT!!!

This is what they were teachin when I was at school and YOU DON"T see me getting drunk ,drugged up, ungodly,or marrying someone of a different race  and gettin somebody PREGNANT!! NO SIR!!! WAtch this and let's pray that we can return to the America I grew up in.

On Knees For Jesus

Armor of God PajaMamas?!

I'm Always tellin folks to "PUT ON THE ARMOR OF GOD" before they go out.  UNfortunately, thhese don't come in a XXXXXLLLLL .  GUESS WHO"S GOT an idea for next CRAFTY NIght!!! BAhahhaha

Hurricane Irene: See how God Talks to us?

Jesse sent me this photo. ITS FROM NASA!!! If you look closely you can make out a MOSLIM INT HE StoRM!!!!!!.  This Irene hurricane is PURE EVIL!!!! coming at the eastern seaboard.  SEE WHAT HAPPENS, EasTERN Seaboard, when you don't have CHRIST in youR LIFE?????

Breakfast with Jesus

I saw this and nearly fell off my hoveRound. This sums up my life. I eat that exact meal for breakfast, and I put pictures of Jesus by the table and I imagine I'm havin' breakfast with Jesus, except he don't wanna talk or say nothin and only looks off in the distance with a 100 mile stare.  but this place nailed it! So I figured God wanted me to go it and I DID!!! I had a nice second breakfast- evrthing u see in the picture. It was a nice day!

Crafty Night

Lovey Jean, her sister Ruthie-Jean, Leanne, Rhonda, pastor Edna and me had a craft night. It was soooooo fun puttin together crafts from old T-Shirts. I made the CUUUUUUTEST turban from a raggedy Billy Ray Curus T-Shirt that don't fit no more (XXXXL MY BUTT!!! Lyin Concert T-shirt salesmen). Look how great I look. It's Perfect for those HOT pasadena TX days when you wish you had a turban on to catch the sweat pourin from ur head.  MISS DEVINE!!! HOW DID YOU GET IN THERE PICTURE???!!!!! She was SUPPOST TO be wearin the CUUUTE turban I made her, but she thought it was some kinda toy and chewed it up. THANK YOU MISS DEVINE! Anyhoo, we had such a good time, and I don't drink like the girls do (AND THEY DID!!! BAHAHAHAhaha), but Yoo-Hoo Zima cocktails taste reaaaaLLLL good, y'all.

A nice message of prayer

This put a smile on my face... or was it the melted ice cream surprise I used instead of milk on my syrup moo shoo pork cookie crisp breakfast (also a surprise)?

Haircut day

Leanne came over and gave me and Ms Devine both haircuts. She even trimmed my mustache. Don't we look soooo cute? She says I look 20 pounds thinner. YES, PLEASE! and Our hairs feel like cotton, I even sprinkled sweet n low onto ms devine and licked it like it was cotton candy SHE DONT MIND I do it all the time.

Yum

TRY THIS:
MIx 1 cool whip (or 2 if theyr on sale) with Diet pepsi for a diet coke float. NOw TAKE IT HARD CORE:
FREEZE IT! and mix with spaghetti sauce for a nice salsa or cold tomatoe soup (real high class dish)
NOW HIT IT UP- put it all in a blender and pour it all over your body and sit in the sun for about an hour. Tell me that is not like being in the womb.
Be BLessed!!!

Eatin out

I tried the new wild wings near my house cuz on account they had 11 cent wings. So I thought, what the hey and got me some. Well the bottomless drinks were OK. I hate when soda is too soda-ey. Wild Wings aint got too much bubbles intheir sodas so its nice and syruppy and real refreshin. The wings were ok. a little small and dry. After my first fifty I was still a little hingry so I ordered the family combo- with buffalo chicken tenders and I asked them to go ahead and mix the blue cheez and ranch dips cuz I was gonna do it anyway. Not enuf sugar in the blue cheez. If I wanna eat somethin called blue Im expectin pie fillin. Thank you Jesus I always bring my own. When I opened my can of blueberry pie fillin everyone was lookin at me like " I cant believe I didn/t think of that., I am sooo jealous" Anyhoo, I won't try Wild Wings again unless the y got 5 cent wings or sumthin.

Stay Blessed !

I'm Back

I tell ya folks, it's been a ruff coupla weeks. My computer broke cuz of my cats cant lick their behinds on account of morbid obesity (do I spoil them? GUILTY!)baaahaaa. and the poo poo has dripped from them all up in my computer parts. Cheez wiz was there too.  Cheez wiz has found its way up in every part of my house. Doctor even said there was sum in my kidney stone. HUH?? yessir you heard me. I had a kidney stone too. See how Satan tries to get at you? Anyways, I just got this months disability check FINALLY and I'm off to check out the new Wing-stop over near CiCI's pizza buffet. YES I AM DOUBLE DIPPIN, but I'm celebratin another day christ has given me. I'll tell yall how I liked it.

Satan IS a pain the rear end

One of my long time fans, Dan sent me this wonderful link PROVING God can cure anything.  Sometimes my hemhoroids are a real pain and I just sit on the bible for a bit  or I tear sheets of bible outta the bible and use them for medicated pads to soothe my hemorhoids and I ALWAYS feel better.  If my cats a vomittin I shred up pieces of the bible for her to eat AND SHE ALWAYS feels better after.  Or if I'm too busy eatin to say grace I use parts of the bible for napkins to wipe the chili and cheesecake off my mouth and I NEVER get too bad heartburn after. Or I use the bible on roaches, wobbly chairs, I use the sacred word on anything and everything.
Have a BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY. What are YOU 'Memoring this weekend?

Jesus is here y'all

Here is PROOF GOD IS REAL! I see him in my poo poo sometimes and I feel guilty flushin, but then I think maybe God wants to touch somebody in the sewer. Once I called the news when Jesus showed up on what I call my dingle berry patch, AND in some of my shingles. GOD just chats away at me via vaguely discernable images of him or Mary all the time. PLUS he never shows up to sinful people like Jesse or Sylvia on account of their unclean spirits and makin fun of me all the time.
STAY BLESSED