Sunday, May 29, 2011

Satan IS a pain the rear end

One of my long time fans, Dan sent me this wonderful link PROVING God can cure anything.  Sometimes my hemhoroids are a real pain and I just sit on the bible for a bit  or I tear sheets of bible outta the bible and use them for medicated pads to soothe my hemorhoids and I ALWAYS feel better.  If my cats a vomittin I shred up pieces of the bible for her to eat AND SHE ALWAYS feels better after.  Or if I'm too busy eatin to say grace I use parts of the bible for napkins to wipe the chili and cheesecake off my mouth and I NEVER get too bad heartburn after. Or I use the bible on roaches, wobbly chairs, I use the sacred word on anything and everything.
Have a BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY. What are YOU 'Memoring this weekend?

Friday, May 20, 2011

Jesus is here y'all

Here is PROOF GOD IS REAL! I see him in my poo poo sometimes and I feel guilty flushin, but then I think maybe God wants to touch somebody in the sewer. Once I called the news when Jesus showed up on what I call my dingle berry patch, AND in some of my shingles. GOD just chats away at me via vaguely discernable images of him or Mary all the time. PLUS he never shows up to sinful people like Jesse or Sylvia on account of their unclean spirits and makin fun of me all the time.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

God Talks to Us in mysterious ways

I found $8 in my epidermal folds today during my bi-weekly bathing, AND FOUN 8 BUCKS.  Which is exactly what I would need to supersize 2 COMBO MEALS I eat for lunch.  IF that aint GOD talkin to me, I DON"T WANNA BE RIGHT!! Oh and here's a picture of LEANNE and SYLVIA when they were still talkin.  We went to the Pasadena watermelon festival. SOOOO much fun. they had deep fried butter sticks-AMAZING with redi-whip.


all out of ideas? Just look up and say, "Yes, Lord?"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Hump Day Breakfast

I loooooove substitutin donuts for bagels and cheez wiz and tacos substitutin for eggs and eggs substitutin for icecream and  hands substitutin for plates and stomach substitutin for napkins and batter fryin substitutin for steamin.  Anyway, I like to make this pre-breakfast snack and this is how I do it when Im in a bind.  TRY IT DON"T DIET!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


One of my FAV bible study Partners Austin shared this link with me.  SOOOO COOOl. TAKE THAT Atheists!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

The American Jesus |

The American Jesus |

There you have it!! Rock and RoLL is full of sex drugs and worshippin Satan. Very inspirin and thought provokin documentary about all the satan worsippin soul sellin rock stars. COUNT ME OUT. I'll take 4HIM any DAY

Friday, May 6, 2011

Someon'es Birthday

Y'all know I loove findn that purrrfect gift for my friends on their b-days.  Well this takes the cake (and I eat the cake bahahahhaaaa and I like to substitute cake for sandwich bread when making my FAMOUS monte cristo sandwich where I put all the fixins for a ham and cheezwiz sandwhich and batter fry the whole thing and serve (myself) it with ketchup and jam) YUM!!!
Anyhoo my friend Slidell smokes cancer sticks like a chimney and sleeps with every tom dick and harry all at once while listenin to BLACK music.  So I got this LOVELY ashtray on my visit to the greater Rural areas of Houston antiquin and found this treasure.  I think the Lord was tellin me PERSONALLY to give this to Slidell as a kinda hint to turn her life around.
What do y'all think?

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Please excuse the last post.  I been on a retreat for the last few days with my church and stupidly asked a certain SOMEONE we will call SYLVIA!!! to PLEASE FEED my cats.  Well I don't think she did cuz they were meowin up a storm when I came back, and their litter boxes were FILTHY. THANK YOU Sylvia, NOT!!! I don't know how she got into my computer and onto my blogger, but she did.  DOES ANYBODY know how to erase a blogger post or how to change my password? I'm so computer ILLligterarate I can barely press the send buttin when I'm orderin Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, Dominoes, Pappa Jons for my Wednesday night taste of Italy night where I dress up like the pope and feast on Italian culture while watchin Criminal Minds. And by the way, Sylvia do you really think I would leave my PRESCRIPTIONS at home where I can't get 'em when I'm on a CHURCH REETREAT? I regret leavin my Banana Cherry Sutter Homes cookin wine, but the cardboard box is dryer than Sylvia's HAIR . GOD listens to the prayers of a disabled person, SYLVIA so WATCH OUT!!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Hi, I'm Don Don aND I SMELL AND I like the smell of my own farts and i fart and shit all the time constantly, and Sylvia is cool and I'm stupid and probably like little boys and I'm fat, and I shit on Sylvia all tha time for no reason cause i'm Don Don and I'm fat and I'm fat and I'ma fat. I WISH I could be Sylvia -she's so cool and used to be a Derrick Doll for the Houston Oilers and was the finest piece of ass on that field, and DonDon is too fat in the brain to give her the respect she deserves. And if he is really on disability there should be a shit load of oxicotton or vicodin in his house but aint SHIT- what's up DonDon?? I'm DonDon I eat cat food and smell like rotten shiot!!!